Both people have to want a marriage to work, right? That's what everyone is telling you.
They're technically correct, but wrong in every way that matters.
Just because both people have to want a marriage to work doesn't prevent you from saving a marriage on your own. Far from it.
Here's how this works:
For most of you, the problem isn't that your spouse doesn't want the marriage to work. It's that they're tired and hopeless.
Hopeless that you'll ever change. Hopeless that the marriage could be different. Hopeless that they can ever get what they want and need here with you.
And because they are hopeless, they aren't willing to continue investing their time and energy into the marriage—particularly since they probably feel like they've already been trying to fix things for years with no results.
But the difference between "don't want to fix it" and "don't believe it can be fixed" is huge.
The truth? Most people would rather get the things they want and need in their current relationship than traumatize the kids, lose 80% of their net worth, re-enter the dating pool, and start life over from scratch in their 40s or 50s.
When you can discover what changes they need to see and how they need to see them…
When you can grow into the person who can give that to them…
And when you can show that to your spouse in a way where they see it, believe it, and trust the change is going to stick…
Then all of a sudden, putting effort into the marriage starts to feel worth it. And that's what inspires them to stop running away from you and start fighting with you.
And for those of you still saying, "I'm special. My spouse really DOESN'T want the marriage to work":
Just because they say that doesn't mean it's true. And even if it is true right now, that doesn't mean it will be true in a week or a month when they see a real change in you.
The question isn't whether both people need to want it. The question is: are you willing to be the one who reignites that hope? Because when you do, everything changes.
