Communication is vital in all marriages. It is key to keep that feeling of love and connection in the relationship. But let’s face it, when you have a fast-paced life with a demanding career, you might not have as much face-to-face time with your spouse as you’d like. Great communication strategies will let you make the most of those opportunities.
Most folks know that communication is about listening and sharing. But they often forget that the quality of the questions we ask reflects the quality of the relationship we have.
Here are 5 questions that we teach our high-achieving clients to ask that allow them to build connected, successful marriages.
Let’s dive in:
Question #1: Can you help me understand?
I know. You’re incredibly intelligent. And admitting that you don’t understand something can be hard. But our spouses think and process VERY differently from us. Making yourself vulnerable by asking this question is the best way to learn about each other. And typically if you ask for your spouse’s assistance in understanding, they are happy to help.
Question #2: How can I support you right now?
This is a great question to ask when your spouse is upset or overwhelmed. When we hear our spouse struggling our first instinct is often to try to “fix” it. After all, you don’t reach success without a great ability to problem-solve. So we start offering solutions. But sometimes your spouse just needs an ear, an apology, or space. By asking this question, they can tell you what they really need or want, rather than you just guessing. It saves you both time and energy.
Question #3: What goals are you currently working on?
Knowing your spouse’s current goals and dreams allows you to be a cheerleader, support person, or helper at the appropriate times. It can also help you stay out of the way. For example, if you know your partner is working on losing weight, you know not to surprise them with chocolates for your anniversary. Or if your spouse is about to start a big push at work, you can better prepare for the changes to your normal routines.
Question #4: How are WE right now?
Although one of you might be content in our marriage the other may not. It’s good to check in with each other from time to time and to see if there are things in your relationship that need improving. This keeps things from festering in the background. Because those things festering in the background WILL eventually reach critical mass.
Question #5: Do we need help?
If the answer to this is yes, don’t feel embarrassed. There is no shame in getting help from others who have the skills to accomplish the goals you want to achieve. The fact is we can’t do everything on our own. A “yes” to this question only means that it’s time to look for that guidance. That way you can out of the stuck and move on to bigger and better things.
I encourage you to make a conscious effort to frequently ask powerful questions in your marriage. And allow your spouse the space to provide answers that are genuine and true. It will bring you much closer.